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Saturday, March 22, 2014

My current hurdle......

is a most frustrating one.  Over the past three years I have seen a gradual, then all of a sudden decline in my health. I have had shingles, strep throat....tonsillitis, mononucleosis, severe digestive issues,  debilitating migraines, constant sinusitis, h. pylori,  extreme fatigue and malaise.  Many of these symptoms were spread out over the course of a few months to the point of making me have to stop what it is that I'm doing to recover,  then I would become ill every other month, then once a month, then once per week and now I'm lucky if I feel well at lease one to two days per week.



Two years ago I had to made the decision to step down from my long term career to work on my health as it was interfering with my ability to be the best I could be.   This was a big step for me. However, I was able to stay employed by providing business advice to my husband's company.  Unfortunately, due to my illness, I have stepped down from that as well.  See, I'm the type of person that doesn't like to disappoint and if I can't give something my very best then I feel guilty just being able to give what I can.

I have been to several doctors and specialists. When I go is when I feel the worst and I am treated for the symptoms that are present at the time, but no one has yet figure out the real root of my illnesses.  Honestly,  it is not normal to be this ill so frequently. Usually I am the life of the party, fitness enthusiast and hardest working person around.  Lately, I have become someone I don't even know any more.  I am not the mother, wife, family member, friend or professional that I was and still want to be.

I was okay with having to back off of my lifestyle,  but when it has come to the point that I can't even attend my children's activities and events, I am completely crushed.  Being the person that can "handle it all", it's hard to ask for help. This stubborn attitude has caused me to push away many of my friends and even my family.  I was trying to hide how bad I had gotten, but now there is no denying it.  I am very ill, I don't know why, but I am determined to find out.  This has been extremely difficult on our family in many ways. First of all I have always been the larger income earner.  It was one thing to take a decrease in pay, but not to contribute at all while faced with a mound of medical bills, it has become almost impossible to keep up.  My kids just wish they could have their mom back and my husband just wants his wife back.  They are doing what they can,  but it's taking it's toll on them for sure.

I have just gone through another round of tests and will hopefully find some answers by next week.  I am willing to do what ever it takes to become healthy again; that's the only thing I can really concentrate on right now.  I have to let go of everything else and get well, because nothing will improve until I'm healthy.  After I clear this hurdle, I know that there will be one after another in trying to rebuild the rest of my life.  These days I will just have to take one hurdle at a time.  It is a challenge, but one that I will overcome.

#gethealthy #stayingpostive #askingforhelp #illness #family #support

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